One of the things I see most often in midlife leaders is not a lack of capability.
It is the exhaustion that comes from continually adapting and navigating organisations that are performative and transactional. Where the human experience is marginalised.
Adapting to pressure, expectations, and ways of working that they know, deep down, are not sustainable. Sadly, this is often the norm and has become a “normalised” reality. But it is only sustainable for so long.
The values driven clients I work with are highly capable, experienced, and successful on paper.
They are functioning, delivering, leading and often holding everything together for those around them.
To cope, many have spent years trying to become more resilient. Pushing through. Overriding their instincts. Quietly doubting themselves in silence.
The truth is, these are not isolated cases.
In their book Leading in Chaos, Nicholas Janni and Elizabeth Fox explore how leaders often numb themselves to function and fit in. This quote may seem provocative, but I am sure it resonates with many.
Society encourages us to be overworked, overmedicated, overfed and terrified.
We crave the kind of deep rest we have almost lost.
We can and must reclaim it.
Jennifer Cohen and Gina Laroche
Over time, continual adaptation creates disconnection from ourselves.
From our values.
Our energy.
Our instincts.
Our sense of meaning.
Even from who we are underneath the roles we have spent years performing.
And eventually, there comes a point where the cost of ignoring what is happening becomes too high a price to pay.
Not always dramatically. Sometimes quietly.
A growing sense of heaviness.
Flatness.
Resentment.
Emotional exhaustion.
A feeling that something no longer fits, even if you cannot yet fully explain why.
I think this is particularly true in midlife. While many people still believe the solution is simply to become better at coping.
It doesn’t work
The real work is stepping back far enough to recognise what your struggle is telling you.
Not rushing to fix it.
Not forcing clarity.
But allowing yourself enough space to notice what may no longer feel sustainable, aligned, or true.
Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is begin listening to what is happening beneath the surface and start a different conversation with yourself.
Self Leadership in Action
Take some time and find some space to really listen and notice what you are feeling and thinking.
- Where in your work or life are you continually adapting at the expense of yourself?
- What are you tolerating that no longer feels sustainable?
- What have you normalised that may actually be disconnecting you from yourself?
This is not a quick fix, but it is where your next chapter starts.
Not with striving.
Not with perfection.
But with honesty.
The radical power of saying: This is where I really am… and that’s okay.
My Spiral Approach offers a deeper way of working that supports honest reflection, aligned action and sustainable change. You can find out more here – Approach.
